OH MYELOMA! Anxiety hits.

Thursday 4/19: Another beautiful day in paradise 🌴☀️🍹went down in the books. I was starting to feel a bit anxious, annoyed and just plain ole sick and tired. The routine, testing, poking, prodding, homesick and missing C all came to a head that day. It started out great like every day, but I could just feel myself having trouble enjoying the moment.

After eight days of being away from C and home, along with everything else, I felt I was going to have a breakdown. I guess sometimes I’m really human after all. 🤔🤓 I got to spend most of the day with Kayley Mancuso and Trey Mancuso. They drove in the day before to hang out, which Ashley Desormeaux and I were so grateful for.


I had two tests scheduled for that afternoon. So I was told to eat a big breakfast 🍽🍳🥓🥓 and fast the remainder of the day.


Around 3 p.m., I had an ultrasound ☢️☣️📹🔊 followed by another MRI 🙄☢️📹🤦🏻‍♂️. After eating breakfast and waiting on the doctor to make her rounds, I finally got to take a little field trip around the building with my peeps. First was a stop at the observation deck 🏙🏙🔭🌞🦅. Trey couldn’t wait to show me where the Astros 👀⚾️ play and Ash couldn’t wait to show me what a park looked like 🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️. For some reason I guess she thought I had cancer and had never seen the outside world before.😬🤦🏻‍♂️ Sometimes she can be a little extra. 😜😘


From there, Ash insisted I needed a haircut, 💈💇🏻‍♂️which I really couldn’t argue with. My 'fro was developing nicely, but it was time for a trim. Fun Fact #16: MDA has a full salon that’s free for patients to use. 😊


By this time I was getting “HANGRY” and developed a massive headache. 😕😟 After I got my hair did it was time for my ultrasound. Please don’t worry, I’m not prego FYI! Girls, I too now know what it’s like to have cold jelly splattered all over your tummy and have glamour pics 📸taken of its contents. 😳


Of course, after the ultrasound they told me the MRI had been pushed back at least an hour,😬😡 which turned into two hours then almost three hours! Finally, the nurse told me to eat some crackers, because it could be midnight before they got me in.


At this point, Ash and I were both hangry and tired! Not to mention I was really hurting from having to move around during the ultrasound. Ash made the executive decision for a supper run! Steaks and mashed potatoes. 🍽🥔🥩🇺🇸 Figured a little date night prior to back surgery. 😋😀


But someone in radiology thought it would be hilarious to call for me as soon as Ash made it back with our supper. 🤬👎🏻🤬 So we left everything and headed down!


After two gown changes, another IV replacement and waiting for an open machine, they slide me into the Big O and I freak out. Having already completed two MRIs that week, I’m not sure why it happened. The anxiety was unbearable, and I had to get out ASAP! I refused to take the test and was told the MRI was ordered by the surgeon. They said if I didn’t take the test then my back surgery would be postponed.


Hearing that was the absolute worse possible info I could have gotten, since it was my second shot at possibly being free of back pain. 😫😢


That’s when I lost it. Ash came in and I truly broke down for the first time since all this began. It was my first failure during this process, along with El Chapo McRib looking at me dead in the eyes👀😬. I had finally reached a breaking point. I’m not sure if I was more scared, disappointed of failing or the fact that I could actually break. Either way, going back into the machine - even sedated - was not an option. I was DONE!


Laying on the stretcher, crying like a baby, I began praying. I asked God to give the surgeon confidence to proceed without a current MRI. I knew in my heart I had done everything they asked me to do and my numbers looked awesome. I had basically been in a bubble the whole time, so nothing with my spine had changed.


When I got back to my room I told my nurse I didn’t complete the MRI. She confirmed my surgery was not on the schedule at that point. ☹️😢😢 Ash tried her best to motivate me and knew I would regret not taking the test in the morning. No matter what she said, I wasn’t taking the test. My mind and body were DONE. My boo had tried though and that’s reason #127 why I love her and we’ve always been a team first, not just married individuals.


I never stopped praying and even had Ash help scrub me down with the pre-surgery soap and shower. I knew in my heart there was a chance for the surgery if it was God's plan.


All night I prayed 🙏🏻🙏🏻 and the nurse checked the schedule for me probably every 10 minutes. After passing out around 3 a.m., the nurse woke me up around 5 a.m. and said they wanted me in surgery in 30 minutes! 😃😃 Praise God, I’m back in the fight!


Friday, April 20 
To many people, this date represents National Marijuana Day, or whatever they call it. I’ll save that soap box rant for another day😎😎 and continue.

The surgeon completed my back procedure and even called it textbook.👍🏻😎 The downside to the procedure is now I may need new pants, since I’m pretty sure I’m taller now! Ash said it doesn't work that way. What does she know? I’m the one who has stayed at several Holiday Inn Expresses in my day. 😜😜


I spent the rest of the day resting and my back felt better and better as the day went on. I also had more visitors. Wade Beard and Dina Hester Beard, my aunt and uncle, drove all the way from Brusly to visit us. 😀😀 Thank y’all so much for coming!


Here’s the absolute best part. I’m typing at 1 a.m. because the nurse is about to began my FIRST round of CHEMO! 😁😁😁 For anyone who doesn’t know what that means (because I sure didn’t and really still don’t completely understand) I’ll try to explain. It’s basically several crazy cocktails 🍹🍹 administered to me in an IV. Everything from fluids to steroids and the ☢️☣️☢️☣️ CHEMO. 😬😬😳😳 Another fun fact: every cancer is different, which means every treatment varies per person, especially at MDA. I thought chemo was chemo and used for everything. So I can only speak about my current treatment. It’s basically like getting several types of fluids in IVs like I’ve done the last eight days😎


I’m supposes to get another round in 24 hours, then 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I get to go HOME!


So, everyone, THANK YOU for the continued prayers and support. Sorry for the long post. I do it so I’m not texting and updating hundreds of family and friends a day. Sorry if I haven’t responded to everyone’s texts, messages or calls. I promise I try to answer everyone asap.


Christopher Miller sent me one of my favorite verses today and I’ll share it!

Isaiah 6:8 - "Then I heard the voice of the lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here I am Lord, send me!'”


RIP to the two Florida deputies who were murdered. Go easy we got it from here. God bless them and their families. 😡😢


Have a great day, everyone!